I do not know me anymore.
I am not the person I was up until now. I seem to change constantly. Do you?
My childhood was difficult. I felt like I was born into the wrong family. I survived it, but not well.
I am a mixture of college girl, getting a Ph.D. forty something years later, was the mother of three, then the divorced mother of three at a time when divorce was a dirty word.
If I was forced to describe myself I would say: I am angular, twinkling, growing, sunny, dark, flowing, straight out, solid, and sensitive all according to the day and the hour of that day.
I am a mother, grandmother, great grandmother of a five month old boy, psychologist (the Ph.D), singer, actor and director. I am all these things and more. But right now my main job is taking care of myself.
At the moment I am plumbing the depths of me to uncover long forgotten secrets. I know the answers are there in my memory bank, somewhere, elusive, hiding, afraid to show themselves. I survived it all so why is it so difficult to open it up, to bring it to the light.
Which part is needed at this very moment? The angular with its sharp points digging in? The sunny growing and twinkling to avert falling into a fit of depression? The flowing part that allows me to be creative?
I never know which will show itself. Which will take over and dictate my day. And I – have to deal with the one that appears and allows all the different emotions to present themselves.
Who will show up tomorrow?