SEARCHING CHILDHOOD TO UNDERSTAND TODAY A puzzle always starts with ‘begin here.’ For a Jigsaw it’s the corners. But when it’s your heart where do I begin? Deep in my body, in my gut and my abdomen. All broken, needing to be fixed. Child inside, if you are truly there then speak to me. Tell me of your sorrows, your disappointments, and hurts. I know there are many. I want to know your anger, your bitterness at having to fight for anything you needed. I want to know what it felt like to bring yourself up, to have no direction or help from our parents. I want to know your loneliness, your disappointments, your struggles, your fears. I know you are still in me and afraid. There is no more need for fear. They are gone and we are here. We survived. Not only did we survive, but we’ve made a good life, a great life. What is missing now is an understanding of what we went through during those early years. Remembering will make us whole, will take away the fears and the depression, will allow us to move on to an even better life, free and clear and clean. What will it be like to clean out all that garbage, to put it to rest, to not carry the emotional baggage anymore? To have energy, to be able to eat normally, to feel freedom from all the issues we have carried around for these eighty-five years. I am sorry to have taken so long to get here. We have both suffered but not for lack of trying to figure it all out. We just needed to get to this place with the willingness to face it all. I cannot undo all those years. But we are here now and I am ready. Ready to hear it all, know it all. It is up to you. You are the one who endured it. I will not put pressure on you, you have had enough of that in your young life. I will wait until you are ready. Let me know when we can begin to write our memoir.

s your heart

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